Is Social Media Intensifying the Tendency to Compare?

Most of us know that quiet unease that can arise mid-scroll — the subtle sense of falling behind, of not quite measuring up. Comparison isn’t new, but the scale and frequency of it are.

In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger proposed that humans have a fundamental drive to evaluate themselves — their abilities, opinions, and worth — by comparing to others when objective measures aren’t available. Social Comparison Theory describes this as a way of orienting ourselves in a social world.

The Psychology of Comparison

Upward comparisons (to those we see as “better”) can motivate growth, yet when filtered through insecurity, they often evoke envy or inadequacy. Downward comparisons (to those we see as “worse off”) can bring comfort or defensiveness as ways of regulating self-esteem.

In individualistic cultures, comparison tends to be self-focused: the emphasis is on personal achievement, uniqueness, and self-actualisation. The self becomes a project to refine, display, and differentiate. In collectivist cultures, the self is defined through connection and duty rather than individuality. Comparison serves to maintain harmony, respect, and social alignment — fitting well within the group rather than standing out.

In both systems, comparison regulates belonging, but the psychological tone differs. In individualistic settings, failure can feel like personal inadequacy; in collectivist ones, it can feel like social or moral disappointment.

Comparison has the potential to evoke shame, envy, pride, gratitude, and inspiration. We compare to establish whether we’re progressing towards goals or slipping behind. In that way, comparison helps maintain motivation — but constant, distorted comparison, as happens on social media, can collapse motivation into self-criticism.

Belonging Through Performance

Social media creates a kind of hybrid space — where people perform individuality for a collective gaze. It’s a paradoxical belonging through differentiation: we want to stand out and fit in at once.

Influencers, and increasingly everyday users, display carefully curated, picture-perfect lives — polished, filtered, and underscored by dreamy soundtracks. Add the layer of financial or social reward for the most engaging content, and the conflict between authenticity and approval intensifies.

Over time, the inner dialogue shifts from What do I think, value, or want? to How will this look? or How will this land?

Platforms like Instagram incentivise belonging as performance. Users learn to brand themselves, to share content consistently, to avoid the punishing silence of zero likes. Likes, follows, and reposts become feedback loops confirming one’s position in the social hierarchy. Belonging turns into a quantifiable pursuit.

Psychologically, this can be exhausting. The self becomes externalised — we begin to observe ourselves from the outside, editing and anticipating how we’ll be perceived. The question shifts from Am I connected? to Do I look connected?

As the incongruence grows between who we are authentically and who we present online, so too does a quiet, persistent anxiety. The paradox is clear: the more we perform to belong, the less truly seen we feel.

In Therapy

In therapy, comparison often shows up quietly — as self-doubt, anxiety, or a sense of falling behind. It isn’t something to eliminate, but to understand. Together, we look at where those standards came from, what they protect, and what they cost.

Over time, the work becomes about building an internal frame of reference — noticing when the gaze turns outward and learning to return to one’s own values and pace.

In a culture that rewards performance, therapy offers something steadier: a space to be seen without needing to perform, and to rediscover belonging that doesn’t depend on comparison.

Written by Layla Eissa MBACP