The sense of self develops through relationship. How people experience their own worth, legitimacy, and visibility is shaped by repeated relational encounters, particularly early ones. Over time, these experiences form implicit expectations about how one will be received or responded to by others.

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Difficulties with self-concept often become most apparent in intimate relationships. Closeness can activate heightened self-monitoring, comparison, or efforts to manage how one is perceived. For some, the self feels contingent - organised around being acceptable or unobtrusive to others - rather than stable or internally held.

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In therapy, attention is paid to how self-experience emerges moment by moment within the therapeutic relationship. Subtle shifts in visibility, misattunement, or responsiveness can bring longstanding expectations into view. Rather than working toward confidence as a goal, the focus remains on how the self is experienced in connection.

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Neuroscientific research suggests that repeated relational experiences of being seen, responded to, and repaired with can reorganise self-expectations over time. As these experiences accumulate, new internal working models form, allowing the sense of self to become less dependent on evaluation and more grounded in relational stability.