For some people, relationships are accompanied by a persistent sense of self-doubt — a feeling of being somehow lacking, behind, or fundamentally not enough.

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You may notice yourself monitoring how you come across, replaying conversations, or worrying that you’ve said too much or revealed the wrong parts of yourself. You might work hard to be accommodating, helpful, or easy to be with, while quietly fearing that if you relax, something about you will be too much — or not enough — to hold someone’s interest.

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These feelings are often subtle or go unnoticed. They can sit in the background of relationships, shaping decisions, boundaries, and expectations without being fully conscious. Over time, this can lead to exhaustion, resentment, or a sense of disconnection from yourself.

Experiences of shame and not-enoughness don’t emerge in isolation. They frequently develop within relationships where attention, approval, or safety felt conditional - being yourself required careful calibration. In response, the self learns to adapt, perform, or minimise in order to stay connected.

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In relational therapy, we approach these patterns with care and respect. Rather than challenging self-criticism head-on, we become curious about where it came from and how it has helped you navigate relationships. The therapeutic relationship offers a space where you don’t need to earn attention or manage how you’re perceived any more.

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Over time, many people find that their relationship with themselves softens. Self-doubt loosens its grip, and a greater sense of internal steadiness begins to develop — allowing for more choice, authenticity, and ease in relationships.

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