Many people come to therapy with a clear awareness that something in their relationships keeps repeating. You may notice familiar dynamics playing out with different people, even when you’ve consciously tried to choose differently.

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You might find yourself drawn to certain types of partners, roles, or emotional positions — perhaps becoming the one who adapts, waits, withdraws, pursues, or holds things together. Over time, these patterns can begin to feel frustrating or disheartening, particularly when you understand them intellectually but still feel caught inside them.

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Repetition is rarely accidental. Relational patterns often develop early, shaped by experiences where certain ways of being made connection more likely, safer, or more manageable. What once helped you stay connected can later become limiting, even when circumstances have changed.

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These patterns tend to live not just in thought, but in the body and nervous system. This is why insight alone doesn’t always lead to change. When something familiar is activated, responses can feel automatic, compelling, or difficult to interrupt.

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In relational therapy, we work with these patterns as they emerge in the present, rather than analysing them from a distance. By paying attention to how familiar dynamics show up between us, we can begin to understand them experientially — with space for curiosity, choice, and repair.

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Over time, many people find that repetition loosens its hold. Familiar dynamics become easier to notice, less inevitable, and more open to change. New ways of relating can begin to feel possible, not because old patterns are eliminated, but because they are better understood and no longer running the show.

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You don’t need a clear map of your patterns to begin this work. If you recognise a sense of repetition in your relationships, that recognition alone may be enough to start.

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